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Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than A Penis
It's enjoyable hard or soft.
It makes a mess, too --- but it tastes better.
It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on it.
You always want to swallow.
It won't complain if you share it with friends.
It's "quick and convenient".
You can enjoy it more than once.
It comes already protectively wrapped.
You can make it as large as you want.
If you don't finish it, you can save it for later.
It's easier to get the kind you want.
You can comparison-shop.
You know what the extra weight is from.
You can put it away when you've had enough.
You know yours has never been eaten before.
It won't complain if you chew on it.
It comes chocolate flavored.
You always know when to get rid of it.
You can return it --- satisfaction is guaranteed.
It's always ready to go.
You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.
You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
It won't wake you up because it's hard.
It won't get jealous if you pick up another one.
You can tell your friends how much you've eaten without sounding like you're bragging.
It is very pliable.
It's easy to pick up.
It never has an insecurity problem with its size.
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Top 35 Oxymorons
Government Worker
Legally drunk
Exact estimate
Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Genuine imitation
Airline Food
Good grief
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt Head
Military Intelligence
Sweet sorrow
Rural Metro (ambulance service)
"Now, then ..."
Passive aggression
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Rap music
Working vacation
Religious tolerance
Microsoft Works
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Top 20 Womens Tee-Shirt Slogans
Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Please don't make me kill you.
And your point is...
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Sorry if I look interested. I'm not.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
Don't make me mad! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
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lmao.. not all from one site- some are from emails, some from my phone, some i've remembered.. i have a folder in my favorites for just jokes
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Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well-hung.
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than
improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
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okay taking a break to make lunch for the kids... let me know if you want more! lol
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lmao, i hear ya! omg i love to laugh, i have so many i've saved- once i thought about compiling all of them into a book for the toilet room and calling it the best of internet joke (volume 1 of course,lmao).. i should be back in a bit!
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« cambaby2 » wrote:
lmao, i hear ya! omg i love to laugh, i have so many i've saved- once i thought about compiling all of them into a book for the toilet room and calling it the best of internet joke (volume 1 of course,lmao).. i should be back in a bit!
You should make a book and sell it!!! 
Let me know 
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cambaby2, The oxymorons are soooo funny! 
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not sure if this fits better here or the youtube contest,lol..
Rodney Carrington - "Dear Penis" cartooned by Chris Dill
....
Expired Link. Check out our Casino Bonus Forum for a list of current bonuses.
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cambaby2, FUNNY!!!!
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« cambaby2 » wrote:
You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When
1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
2. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
3. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
4. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
5. You lick your coffeepot clean.
6. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
7. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
9. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
10. You can jump-start your car without cables.
11. All your kids are named "Joe."
12. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
13. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
14. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
15. People get dizzy just watching you.
16. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
17. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
18. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
19. You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.
20. Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
21. Instant coffee takes too long.
22. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
23. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
24. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
25. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
26. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
27. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
28. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
29. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
30. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
31. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
32. You don't tan, you roast.
33. You can't even remember your second cup.
34. You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."
35. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
THIS IS ME!!!
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Last edited by TDTAT on 16.04.2009, 07:27; edited 2 times in total
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