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Posted:25.03.2009, 13:38

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
-Rodney Dangerfield

Posted:25.03.2009, 14:02

a man walk into a irish bar with a 12inch man on his shoulder the man order a round of drinks.the little man jump off and kick all the drinks over this happen 5 times more the bartender finally ask what is up with that.the man said well i was stranded on a desert island i found a bottle with a geinie in it she granted me 3 wishes the 1st wish i asked to be off this island poof it was granted my 2nd wish i ask to be surrounded by 12 beautiful women poof it was granted my 3rd wish i asked for a 12inch prick and here he is

Posted:25.03.2009, 14:16

what did the banana say to the viberator? what are you shaking for their going to eat me

**Moderator**

"Don't take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway." Anonymous
#quote #joke

Posted:25.03.2009, 18:03

Bill Of No Rights

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymore riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident:

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

**Moderator**

Prowan52, That is an interesting read!

**Moderator**

If anyone knows where to catch insomnia let me know, I have a lot of work to do!

I would call it at TDTAT original, but I am sure someone somewhere has
said it before!

**Moderator**

“There are people who know everything, but that's all they know.”

- Niccolò Machiavelli
#quote #joke

Posted:29.03.2009, 14:57

An old man owned a farm with a pond on it. He decided
to remove a bunch of weeds and plant some flowers, as
the place was getting pretty shabby. He put a picnic table
by the pond and some pretty shrubs. One day, two young
women happened by, got naked, and went into his pond.
Later, the old man noticed them and their clothing by the
pond. He went down to the pond, and the women asked
him to leave. He said "I'm not watching you, I just came
down to feed the alligator".

**Moderator**

jackie1028,

**Moderator**

"Beauty Fades, but Stupid lasts forever." Unknown #quote #joke

**Moderator**

Don't knock on Deaths door...

Ring the doorbell and RUN! He hates that.

**Moderator**

If a man speaks in a forest,

and there is not woman around to hear him... Is he still wrong?

**Moderator**

"He who laughs last thinks slowest"

**Moderator**

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions,

But I don't always agree with them.

- George Bush