CLOSED $25N/D To Win! Something Funny Contest

**Moderator**

Thanks to everyone who posted, I loved this
contest and Thanks to voodookitty for picking the winner of this contest!!
Congrats Prowan52- you win $25 CASH!
Send me your netspend visa # or Intertops ICC card # and
I will get you paid!

Contest Closed

« voodookitty » wrote:

Prowan52

it took me a moment....
I had to draw names

$25 Something Funny Contest $25

Win $25 CASH or Credits
Post something funny
to enter this contest
Winner announced by Febuary 2, 2008
Winner paid by netspend visa, ICC ATM, postal mail, or
to certain casino accounts when available.
postez un message DROLE, ici

TOP 12 Online Casinos for US players
recommended by NoLuckNeeded.com
Why are these casinos recommended? All deposit bonus
is fully cashable and they pay in 48 hours or less
to most payment methods!
Play at the most trusted and best online casinos!

Posted:12.01.2008, 08:52

The Kitchen Bitch. A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...cause we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say... "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue...."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.."

Posted:12.01.2008, 08:56

Here's something funny...or at least its funny to me!!!

I have two sons..one 3 (my 4th of July baby) and one 6 (my december baby)...my youngest started talking very early and thanks to my "adult" sister who thought it was funny to give people "WEDGIES"

....at the age of two my little one would run around the house saying "GIVE YOU WIZZIES!", while he was looking for the for the back band of your underpants!!! took a while to put a stop to it but we managed to get alot of laughs outta the situation while it lasted
....my next goal is for him to stop calling all elderly people his "grandma" in public!

thanks for reading
Ashlee

Posted:12.01.2008, 08:59

OMG I am laughing my butt off on that one. Good job codyman.

Great JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted:12.01.2008, 09:02

Ok heres one.

I was telling my daughter codyman's Joke, she is laughing and laughing.

At the end she says to me what did the mom say then.

I said it was a JOKE. She stops laughing and says oh I thought it was for real.

Posted:12.01.2008, 09:10

Posted:12.01.2008, 09:17

lol this is great,,, my new grandson, was getting his diaper changed. yesterday, mom didnt get his new diaper on fast enough, he peeded. went over her head onto the wall and made a circle of pee on the wall. brunett

**Moderator**

you guys are hilarious!!!

Posted:12.01.2008, 11:14

Women make lousy truck drivers. You give them a load and it takes 9 months to deliver!

((if too off color my apologies...but being a woman truck driver, the first time I heard this I cracked up))

**Moderator**

Posted:12.01.2008, 12:19

lol nope

last time I check anyways

Posted:12.01.2008, 12:21

This is pretty long but it's also pretty funny:

English Anyone?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

1 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is itUP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UPtrouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We openUP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP , so........... it is time to shut UP.....!

Posted:12.01.2008, 12:47

I'll be back with something funny!

Good Luck Everyone!

**Moderator**

Posted:12.01.2008, 13:07

I think this is funny...........