CLOSED $25N/D To Win! Something Funny Contest

Posted:12.01.2008, 13:34

I think all these jokes are funny.......lol

I thought this was funny some one had e-mailed it to me a couple of weeks ago.....

Smoking in the Rain

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.

Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"

The other old lady said, "It's a condom."

"A condom? Where do you get those?"

The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"

The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

Posted:12.01.2008, 13:59

rofl!

Posted:12.01.2008, 14:01

lmao you guys are too funny, okay hope this isn't too crude.

An elderly man and woman were having a romantic weekend to try to respark their relationship.
Upon arriving at the hotel, the man decided to take a hot shower to get the blood pumping,his wife thinking about how long it had been decided to do some exercises to stretch old muscles not used in a while.
After a few minutes she decided to get undressed and wait for her husband in the bed, she stretched and rolled and threw her legs behind her head, thump, they got stuck in the headboard, no matter how hard she tried she could not get them loose.
Emerging from the bathroom, her husband, immediately looked at her and replied,"Dang woman the least you could've done was put your teeth in and comb your hair."

Posted:12.01.2008, 15:06

My son Jake who is eight now is the a true joy. When he was three he would going around telling people he was suppose be be black but god was out of color the day he was born. Also he was only two when his dad died, so once he started going to day care he realized kids have dads and grandparents. So everytime we went to walmart every old man he saw he would say are you my grandpa? LOL Than one day he came home from day care and said he wanted a Dad. I told him Dad's aren't that easy to find. He said just go to Walmart and get a robot Dad. That's my Jake.

Posted:12.01.2008, 16:33

Knock knock..whos there? Cargo, cargo who?
Knock knock...whos there? Eather, Eather who?
Cargo beep beep and run over eather bunny!

Ok, I tried! LMAO.

**Moderator**

you guys are making me roll on the floor laughing!!

**Moderator**

Posted:12.01.2008, 21:42

A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone.

He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's beautiful," he said. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied, "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men.
What's your name?" she asked. "Beerfuck," he replied.

Posted:12.01.2008, 21:44

**Moderator**

I think many men would have that name

Posted:12.01.2008, 22:43

Bubba Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this!
Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?

Here’s what happened to Bubba: Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

Bubba said: “Shingles.” So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, “Shingles.” The doctor asked, “Where?” Bubba said, “Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ‘em??”

Posted:12.01.2008, 22:45

Two drivers enter the same 4 way intersection at the same time at about 130 in the morning...........Joe runs a stop sign and smashes into John. They both jump out to assess the damage and Joe says "I am so sorry it was totally my fault!!!! But the important thing is we are both ok.
Tell you what I have a brand new bottle of scotch in my car lets drink to our good fortune." John says ok and after Joe gives him the bottle he takes a big swig and hands the bottle back to Joe. Joe takes the bottle and tosses the open bottle into the front seat of Johns' car. The bottle sloshes scotch all over the inside of Johns' car ..........John asks "What are you doing aren't you going to drink to our good fortune?" Joe says "Nope I think I will just wait till the cops get here."

Posted:12.01.2008, 22:45

A lady walks into a pet store. She notices a bird just singing away. She tells the proprietor, "that is a beautiful singing bird, I want it." When she takes the bird home she notices the bird only has one leg. So she takes the bird back to the pet store and tells the proprietor that the bird only has one leg. The proprietor replies: "Lady you asked for a singer not a dancer."

Posted:12.01.2008, 22:47

A guy walks into a bar and tells the barkeep to give him 10 shots of vodka. The gentleman lines them up in a row and then proceeds to grab the 1st and last shots and pour them out. the bartender asks this guy as to why he did that...he replies: The first shot always hits me the hardest and the last one always makes me throw up. (wah wah wah waahhh)lol

Posted:12.01.2008, 22:49

Buying Dog food at Wal-Mart

I have 4 dogs here at the house & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid lady...why else would I buy dog food??