CLOSED | Best Jokes | Free Contest at No Luck Needed | $30

**Moderator**

You guys are funny!

**Moderator**

This contest will close August 31st!

Posted:30.08.2009, 17:00

I thought these were funny and wanted to share........

"Signs you can tell it will be a rough day ahead"

You wake up face down on the pavement.

You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.

You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.

Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the interstate.

Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.

Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

You wake up and your braces are locked together.

You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Your income tax check bounces.

You put both contacts lenses in the same eye.

Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.

You send this to all your lists and put the wrong disclaimers on it!

Posted:30.08.2009, 23:50

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5

So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.

The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says:

You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
COST $10

So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.

So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?"
The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"
Thanks & GLEV1!

**Moderator**

Great jokes everyone! This contest is now closed and the winner will be announced soon!

**Moderator**

The Jokes were too funny to pick a winner! I asked Mullac to help

**Moderator**

My posts are #7 and #8 on page 4, so the next post after mine is from rebeccalynne123!

Congrats rebeccalynne123! You win $30 Cash! Check your private messages.

Thanks to Mullac for helping!

Posted:01.09.2009, 06:49

Congrats rebeccalynne123!