CLOSED Best Joke Contest *WIN $15 FREE@ Sloto'Cash- rukus

Posted:28.09.2007, 10:38

What is the favorite movie of blondes everywhere?
Dumb and Dumber!

Posted:28.09.2007, 10:45

Well not sure if this counts but my daughter showed me this thing. It is really cute and pretty funny. It is a youtube.

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slotso account: arecore

Posted:28.09.2007, 10:53

SlotocashACC#slotmom

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with
his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set
off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in
the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase
a new place.
;

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said
that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if
she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Posted:28.09.2007, 10:57

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that freaking cat on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.

Posted:28.09.2007, 12:20

Roxy42 , I like that!!
Very cute!!!

Gee,

I sure wish that I had a joke that was at least "appropriate" enough to share!

Posted:28.09.2007, 12:25

Posted:28.09.2007, 12:55

The Tip

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "OK, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for...I'll take an eight."

Usersname: jovida

Posted:28.09.2007, 12:59

A Dime of Luck

Ned was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happened to be open, so he used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Ned went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime." "You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the door open!"

Usersname: jovida

Posted:28.09.2007, 13:04

The Voice from Above

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: DIG ! He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: I SAID, DIG !
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: OPEN ! Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: TO THE CASINO ! Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino. The deep voice says: ROULETTE ! So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: 27 ! He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stays at the 26. The deep voice says: Sxxt ( Moderated-Bad word lol)

usersname: jovida !

Posted:28.09.2007, 13:22

Two friends and the Slot Machines

Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for his friend.

Jones quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited and waited.

After what seemed an eternity, he saw Smith coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Jones," said Smith, "how'd you do?" "Well, Smith", said Jones, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Smith, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you-you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"

Usersname:jovida

Posted:28.09.2007, 13:31

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do," is the longest sentence?

Usersname: jovida

Posted:28.09.2007, 13:42

There was this man who prayed to win the lottery, he raised his children and still prayed each and evryday God would let him hit the lottery, he lived to be a rightfull old age still praying to win the lottohe even had his children and grandchilden praying too! So when he died and went to heaven and faced God he had one question on his mind, so he asked God why didn't you let me hit the lottery, God said to the man, you know I would of let you win, but you never bought a lottery ticket. LOL LOL.

Usersname: jovida

**Moderator**

jovida,

You have a lot of funny jokes!!

Posted:28.09.2007, 14:17

very funny, have to scan my memory for a really good joke.